|
[12 Mar 2008|03:07am] |
|
ugh. Ryan, what is wrong with you? Sheila is a crazed twat, James is fantastic. The whole thing is just ridiculous.
|
|
| point? |
[05 Mar 2008|03:11am] |
|
I'm feeling so spot off, always trying to hard or not hard enough.
|
|
|
[24 Sep 2007|09:35pm] |
once upon a time it was saturday. this girl, we will call her "Bones", forgot to have supper because she was too busy with beer. then she went out and drank more beer. and jag shots. and etc and even etc. then she went upstairs to go to bed, but instead sat on the floor by her bedroom door and passed out for a minute. she awoke with the strong physical desire to vomit, but the toilet was almost Four Feet Away. unreachable! so, without thinking it threw, she pulled forward the front of her dress and used her chest as a stomach contents receptacle. it made sense at the time, there was no buckets or bags or anything around, and puking on the carpet would be unacceptable... but it's pretty much the grossest drunk think i've done. i think it was the first time i even got puke onto myself. there are other, funnier parts to the story, but i don't want to sully anyone else right now.
in two hours and fifteen minutes i will be old.
|
|
| such a dododouche |
[29 Aug 2007|02:52pm] |
i spend summer remembering it's all just fine, and you are not even sad and why the hell don't you like september when you love the fall and how can you hate birthday when you love attention and don't even mind getting older anyway fool, just go buy some looseleaf and play pretend september's the best cause it is and get over it. but a couple days before it shows up i just sadden up. about nothing my finger can even get itself onto. i am not upset about anything? it isn't a lack of sun, there's sunsapelnty... stupid baby, it isn't going to be a good time if i keep reminding myself that it's never a good time. i should spend less time deciding and more time chancing oww.
piggy gave me a month early prezent of a once living now not mouse. kc ate it.
i hope they send away crybaby instead of zack. because i like winning.
i would like to buy a violin and teach myself to torture it this year. i wonder how much left over skrills i'll have after bill gouging next week....
i need people to like me because that's how i measure my worth. not my fault tho, it's the planets.
|
|
|
[29 Jun 2007|04:29pm] |
dear diary,
you are unresponsive. someone made a zombie noise at me, but i was not impressed. i think it is time for me to learn to cook, and i want to learn to not eat wheat. cause it seems like a fine idea. i do alot of wanting and very little anything about it. i think beer is in order for today. good starts. ding.
|
|
| i want a nice hat rack |
[28 May 2007|02:32pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 nerdy |
] |
i want new clothings, and hairdos, and paints and pens, and a place thats just for painting, and to clean our carpets well, and to paint paint the downstairs walls. and the hall and bathroom up up. i want a coral hallway down. and to be tall. and i want new boots that are just exactly the ones i already have, but not breaking. and fresh fine paper. and yard. and i want a long drive that stops for beaches and feilds. and i want a job that makes me glad. and i want to be better at nice. and i want to take the train to the other side of this canada to see my favorite (soon to be) baby momma. i think i want that train ride more than the rest of my list. and i want someone who wants to take that train with me.
|
|
|
[01 May 2007|01:51pm] |
|
my hair is getting long. but my nails and memory are not. and neither are my shifts at work, but thats ok cause soon twill indeed be summah, and who wants to not be sitting in the grass in the sun. b'y geezis. diggin threw papers and i found a story that i wrote when i was in grade two. it was about a boy that i had a crush on, because he was short. weird, i never like short boys now.. anyways, i couldnt spell his name, it should have said sean but i spelled it son. i didnt even really remember having a crush on him, he was a cutie tho. 17 years later his sister married my brother. shes just lovely.
|
|
| uh oh,be nice. |
[30 Apr 2007|02:12pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
lovly |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
lala |
] |
i just read alot of this fool old thing, and there real was a while where i would have had a good time with me, a kick i got from me, its true, sometimes i do think im tops. and then this sulky old crap hypocrity joke of a years worth of mouth shit, or hand shit since its types not voice, and i said to myself i said, miss brown thats a fool, you acted one i mean, for a while a while. goddamnit i wouldnt have talked to me. poooor baby was neeedy. haha. stewpeed. should have had a listen to some of the voices, just quit eh. sometimes recent i say things like "gosh i sure would like to still have a recerd store job, just for mornings" and then i remember how the last year of that was me at my worst. i never ever want to hate like that again. i dont think my list of things i hate would be long at all now. actuals, i dont even know what would be on it. maybe people who dont take their hats off at the table. ehe whatever. i like being not pissed.
i want to go shopping. i have to take down my paintings tonight or tommorow... people said they wanted to buy some but noone really commited, so im still poor. thats ok. i am, i do believe, to have some up at the paper chase sometime soon(ish) too. maybe there i will say they cost more since its downtown. maybe someone will be tricked into buying my crapity. maybe itll be fine. i want to do a bunch of photoboothy paintings, i started a few years ago, but never did many, and i dont know where the one of myself went, thats ok, im pretty sure i know what i look like. so i want people to be posey and nice. in the booth all washed out and yellowy. does anyone know of any black and white booths anymore? i heart them... used to be one at the grub mall in tydney....
|
|
| i make pictures |
[12 Apr 2007|11:38am] |
my paintings are going to one world for a couple weeks starting on sunday. this woulda been alot better if i wasnt so bad at calenders,cause i got everything mixed. husband and knife was gonna play a very sad set to go along with it but theres no time to do that on sunday, and cant do it saturday. so its just getting stuk up with no nice sad songs. i feel bad because i should be better at plans. and i made kc practice a second set,even tho he has a really show tonight, and now he will just have to play it in the kitchy to the pimp and get paid in tuba. but whatever. tell me im good.
edits: now there can infact be kc set. hollah.sunday at eight.
|
|
|
[10 Apr 2007|03:12pm] |
|
i like visits. i like seeing people i miss. thats just some facts. id like bigger hair. and to walk without being careful
|
|
| i found this funny. |
[03 Apr 2007|10:15pm] |
| You are Maryiln Monroe | 
A classic tortured beauty
You're the dream girl of many men
Yet they never seem to treat you right |
| You May Be a Bit Dependent... | 
You're more than a little preoccupied with being abandoned.
You need a lot of support in your life, at all times.
It's difficult for you to survive on your own...
And you don't reallly think you ever could. |
|
|
| hitch, staring will smith |
[26 Mar 2007|01:06pm] |
oh as in a sigh. home with shawn, siobhan and dallon. so many funs, even without a jamesnval. the car exploded like so many whales in endfield (note:it did not explode. but it was smoking) so it was laid to rest and hitchhikinghappened. ten hours of golden travel. real nice times. had so much fun on the side of the road we forgot to look behind us to see if anyone wanted us for themselves. highlights being "you're all european to me", man with ear phone for car safety playing with real cell and going off road,a few times, just a bit. very nice lady who waited for a while for us to notice her behind us and waited to see if had made it to truro to get the bus and then when we missed it drove us out even past the cape breton exit. kindness is going out of your way. sweets. laying on a bed in a transfer truck and watching a movie. also, everything else that happened that day excluding not getting to hear the last three songs on night group until like midnight thirty.
saturday was squished happy in a car and seeing the windiest(read:BEST) parts of industrial cb. breaking the ice. wings. foundations. mud. water. future roses. very good for the heart. so much food, upwards of three meals a day. gluttony. gin and gin and vermouth. and what is the problem with sydney when it comes to tonic water? you are weird irving, and i don't feel like visiting You again. victoria and allie and thom and dale, so good to see. god i wish it was more than just home to my heart, cause my feet and skin like to be there just as much. and oh the inside of my nose lives for cliff wind. i love christie and devon and camille. what a wonderful team.
visited quick my family, went to a nice northside open cafe, louies garbage bag day and vv. collected daniel at the bus station.fireball on the (oh my god,70$??) bus. lots. i think i am the only one who was drunk. my ears wont go back in place, but i cant stay mad at you kelly,or your darling mountain that wants to take me to margaree so badly. i want it too.
how should i tell you i love you. if you want something yours, wrap your arm around it.
|
|
| sometimes im too good at stupid things. |
[19 Mar 2007|01:50pm] |
|
i was having so much fun being a drunk monster on saturday, then i took my money from myself so i wouldn't lose it at a weird, no one panted party we were heading towards and bunched it up and hid it somewhere in my living rooms (i think)and now after two days of looking in weird and normal hiding places i am still without. so like, anyone who was over saturday remember where i stuck that money? no? frig. stupid memory, whats your problem anyway? i am always saying the nicest things about you, give a girl a break, and 60$. i need to be a less drunk version of drunk emily next time. ill practice again tomorrow. man, tomorrow? is that right? why doesnt that look right to me? oh god, memory stole the day after today too... this is getting serious
|
|
|
[07 Mar 2007|09:25pm] |
|
i was feeling crazy so i wore jeans today. jean pants. not even a sorta skirt. what the hell eh. and then i got a cab and the cab driver was really friggin cute. and it was all so weird. i didnt know cabbies were aloud to be good looking. didnt make any sence. i like payday. i dont like pants tho, makes me feel like i am infact the muffin man.
|
|
|
[01 Mar 2007|03:49pm] |
|
uh why do i put death into my hair? its always bad ideas right.
the bank ate all my money today, it wasnt very much money, but i was going to use it to like pay for stuff. i hate waiting until next payday.
|
|
| i love you. |
[26 Feb 2007|10:20pm] |
|
i just played with this poem making from words you used on your live journal machine thing and i found out how everything i say is hate hate sad sad complain skulk and bitch and i wonder what sort of person i could be for people if i could just love love happy happy encourage compliment and kind. i dont think of myself as a cold cold mean but i guess thats what i say. but alot of it made me laugh. but i will be nicer. i will not take things to heart if it doesnt help at all. i will give myself some very good advice. people want to be around people that arent awful. if im less awful i will have people or better yet a person. but its such a catch 23 situation. dig?
|
|
| where are you going |
[19 Feb 2007|10:22pm] |
my craziest friend had a baby boy. i wish i could have seen her with a belly. he is in for an insane life, shes one of the best nuts i know. ohh i cant wait to see what kind of a person shes made. eee. i wish she lived here like plans wanted her to last year. i dont think she wanted anything more than to be a mom as long as ive known her. frigs. nowhere near close enough to bbsit for her. ahhh. and one of my more sane best old friendses is having a girl. and shes far too. a girl i will have to spoil in sessions insted of constants. babies. i guess we arent really kids at all anymores. im not the grown ups my friends all seem to be turning into.
im in a weird mood.
something smells like an old katchupy sock.
im tired of people being rude to me at the work. not just the people i bother either, some girl at work has been giving me stink eye for a bit now. looked me up and down and called me trendy the other day. snobbylike. i think she over heard me talking about someones hair earlier that day and thot i ment her because at the time she looked at what i was wearing and scoffed. and really, i do understand why she might have thot i ment her, she did have bad hair, but not nearly as bad as the person i was talking about. and fuck, take a look at my hair, twits, its garbage. anyway, funny. she died in a less ridiculous way almost right away.(im sure it had nothing to do with the fact that she maybe thot that i didnt like her hair, cause we are strangers, but its funny to me anyways) i guess im just as self absorbed if i care to make mention eh? MAYBE IM JUST BORING, OK?
i am nice at work. it's where i practice my acting.
sometimes when im aloning i catch myself singing the most depressing smiths songs i know. its a bad idea and i guess i do know where it comes from.
for once in my life.....
|
|
| baby billy bob brown |
[25 Jan 2007|03:46pm] |
this is my nephew getting attacked by a shark this christmas.
this is more recent. i like babies.
|
|
| goodnight honey |
[24 Jan 2007|08:23pm] |
lord tunderin jesis christ on a cross, quiting aint any easier than pimpin.ehe. someone says or doesn't say or does or doesn't do something and it for no reason at all hurts one of my feelings and it takes a good two hours before i realize that i'm not hurt, and i'm not being treated any worse than normal, i'm just going threw withdrawl. its weird how i act when things are gone. fuck a physical reaction, i mean losing it over everything. ev er y thang. reals. and not being the least bit tough or logicy or even nice. i mean, yall probably know me, so you know im always a freak out, least it's usually a decision. but sometimes i can't even control it. like when body wants nicotine.or heart wants past.brain doesnt even get a say. it makes me embarrassed to realise how much time i spend worrying about me. i'm not knowing when to shut up. and i'm also a fixator. i neeed to know why people leave. it's making me crazy.
and i shouldn't be thinking about myself.
my sisters good friend and her boyfriend died a while back when a drunk prick on the 104 crossed to their side of the road and hit them. he was sentenced to 7 years yesterday(i think it was yesterday)
canada am this morning said that he was sentenced to two 7year terms to be served consecutively.. so i donno if its 14 or 7 years. i guess its just 7.
i can't say i knew her, but ange seemed like a really sweet girl. always smiling. they were on their way to celebrate because they were finishing school or something and he'd asked her to marry him. her parents were fairly strict and i guess this was the first time they'd let her really go on a road trip without them(that's what my sister said a few years ago when it happened,at least)
http://www.cbc.ca/canada/nova-scotia/story/2007/01/23/cooper-jail.html
it makes me so angry and so fucking sad. she was just a baby. i'll pour some of my martini out for you. goodnight honey.
|
|
| i dont KNOW>fuck. |
[15 Jan 2007|11:35am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
glasses |
] |
i haven't had a smoke since tuesday night. five days isn't very long. last night i sat in the corner and sighed and fidgeted and really actually growled for a couple hours. i get angry and all of the things i make look wrong. saturday i felt psychotic. i think i lost my mind. laughing all weird and loud, and i don't think i meant it. and then i'd get real quiet and sad. then laugh. i don't know. and i'm wicket punchy again. like high school. i think smoking kept me from having ADD.
i keep telling people how its different when i smoke, with emily it isn't Gross, it's total Classic. i have long cigarette holders. and smoking gloves. i will wear red lipstick and do my hair. pearls,i'll buy pearls. they match smoking. but i don't see anyone believe, and i guess i don't either cause i haven't gone sobbing to the store yet. this one time, at north street, i made it without for like four hours, then i bleached my hair reaaaaaly badly and it was all fried and ugly(so so bad) and you can not, under any circumstances, quit smoking the day you become even less attractive, so i had to go to the indian grocery and buy a pack. i should have just had a samosa.
today i cried cause i couldn't make a colour work. beige. couldn't. make. it.
ahh i do not want wrinkles, or hard leather skin,so i try to not go into the sun without glasses+hat, and it's bad enough that the stupid monster dummy cat keeps scratching my face. i can't ruin it more. smoking is mean to your face. it is so very important to have good skin. i don't want blotches or discolouration, that's as icko as acne after you've passed into your 20s. it's just depressing. so i need to eat better too. great bowels of blue berries and liters of vinegar. fighting oxidization, that's my new thing. ahh my Thing, that is the thing, i smoke special, with wrong fingers, it is like my Thing i do. besides stinking. and getting cancer. people want me to. i'm letting everyone down by quiting. everyone is going to be angry. really tho, i think that changing at all is a bad idea, cause it could change peoples opinion of you, and that's all that matters. what people think.
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
howisthis's journal